How To Date Like A Christian Part 2 What is Dating?

Okay, so now we have a definition for what a date is.

What about dating? What does that mean?

While I was single people were constantly asking, “Are you dating yet?”

Does that mean, do you regularly go out on dates?

Does it mean, are you in a “steady” or “dating” relationship?

As with the term date, it means different things to different people depending on the context. It can mean simply going on planned outings with members of the opposite sex. But, more than likely when people ask if you are dating they are asking if you are in a relationship with someone.

For our purposes, again being to be successfully single and to date like a christian, I believe that if your intention is to eventually marry, and if you are ready emotionally and spiritually for it (more on that in a later post about “When Should I Date”) you probably should be dating (more on that in a later post about “Should I Date”). By that I mean you should probably to be going out on friendly, non-romantic dates (more on that in a later post on “How Should I Date”) with safe persons of the opposite sex (more on that in a later post on “Who Should I Date”).

Again I cannot say it often enough, where people get into trouble is that they are way too quick to get into a romantic dating relationship with someone. Most of the time they do not know the person well enough and most of the time they get into it for all the wrong reasons (more on that in a later post about “Why Should I Date”).

In his book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” Joshua Harris lists several problems with the way most people go about dating.

One of the biggest problems is that it can become a long term substitute for marriage or a “marriage lite”. People tend to settle for this and put off marriage because it fulfills the need for a certain level of intimacy without the bonds of a lifelong commitment.

Another problem is that for people our age it can all too easily lead to sexual immorality. We are by design relational and sexual creatures. Given the opportunity, most of us will move in that direction. Further more, most of us have been married before or have otherwise experienced sexual intimacy (probably in a dating relationship). What would have been considered making out when we were younger, or getting to whatever “base”, is now simply what our body and emotions regard as foreplay and leaves us craving sexual gratification.

Another problem is that a deep enough emotional and (all too often inappropriate) physical intimacy is reached that breaking it off is very painful, both for you and the other person. How many more times do you want to have your heart broken or break someone else' heart before you find the right one, the one with whom you can share a lifetime.

Which leads me to the final problem I want to mention here, people tend to go from one such relationship to the next and the next , etc. etc., leaving behind them a trail of needless pain.

There is a better way.

The thing is, by putting off romance until much further down the line, you increase your chances of finding a spouse with whom you can enjoy true, pure passion and romance for a lifetime. Also, there is a lot to be said for delayed gratification. It will be so much sweeter when you finally do find the right relationship, even if it does take longer than you or those around you think it should.

To sum it up you probably should be dating - as in spending time with the other gender. You should not be dating - as in finding the most attractive person you think might also be attracted to you, working up a romance and seeing how far you can get with them.