We have covered a few basics about dating. We know what a date is, what dating is, and we have some pertinent scripture to work with. The fact that we are discussing these things could lead some to the inaccurate perception that we believe everyone should be dating. This is not necessarily the case.
Please notice my careful wording in previous posts.
I see two main issues here: should I date at all; and am I ready to date at this time. It is the first issue that we will attempt to get some clarity on in this post. The issue of when will be tackled in a later post.
Should you date or not? I have no idea. I don't know you that well. But, I can give you some things to think about, such as - why do you want to date? As in most things in life what we do is only part of the story. Our motivation, why do or do not do a thing, is the real story.
There are some bad reasons not to date.
If you do not date, but do not do so because of fear, I would call that a terrible reason not to date. Fear of doing something keeps us from experiencing life at its fullest. Whether fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, or whatever your particular fear is, it is stealing opportunities for wonderful experiences from you. See it as the enemy. Fear is an obstacle to be overcome. To step out and conquer a fear is one of the best feelings in this life.
Another terrible reason not to date would be an unhealthy self-image. Seeing yourself as unworthy of someone's time or attentions is not profitable and not justified. Never let yourself, Satan, or other people get away with filling your head with those kinds of thoughts. Always challenge that thinking when it tempts you. Believe what God says about you in His Word. The price that He paid for you tells you that you are of great worth.
Perhaps you are not a great conversationalist. That skill can be learned. That says nothing about your intrinsic worth. Social skills can be improved. Appearances can be improved. Attitudes can be improved. Knowledge can be acquired. Your worth however, is already established. You are already created in God's image.
There are also some very valid reasons not to date.
If you want to date as a way to affirm your self-worth or gratify your ego, you should not be dating. Dates may go well or go horribly wrong. If your self worth is determined by your dating life you are in big trouble. Besides, as we discussed in the last section, your self-image should be already determined before you start dating (more on that in the post about “When Should I Date?”).
If you want to date because you feel lonely or needy, you should not be dating. Lonely, needy people make terrible dates. Don't be that person. And, dating will never solve that lonely feeling or cure that neediness any way. Those things should be dealt with in healthy ways before you attempt dating.
If you want to date to show your ex how in demand you are and that you've “still got it”, you should not be dating. If your ex is still controlling your decisions to that degree, you have a lot of work to do. It is especially easy to be tempted into this if they already have someone else. Resist. Live your life to please God. Live it in a way that will bring success. Do not live it to “show them”.
If you are looking for emotional or financial rescue, you should not be dating. God is our salvation. No human being will ever come in and completely rescue you. To believe that lie only sets you up for huge disappointments down the road. The best and healthiest relationships are entered into on an equal footing by two emotionally and financially independent people.
If you want to date for physical gratification, you should not be dating. The time for eros, romantic and sexual love, is a long way off. As Christians we believe that sex is for married couples. If you date for physical interaction, hugging, kissing and holding hands, it will inevitably escalate to acts of a more sexual nature. This is all but inescapable. We are sexual beings down to our very core. God created us this way. God has instructed us on the best plan for our sexuality, marriage. Rushing into a more physical relationship only brings temptation and frustration, and blinds you to the real character of the person you are dating.
If you feel you need someone now before you get any older, you should not be dating. Any thoughts that pressure you into rushing into dating are bad.
If you feel like you have to find a mom or dad for your children as soon as possible, you should not be dating. I have first hand knowledge of several people who have rushed into a relationship for that reason and have deep regrets about it now. This includes more than one whose children ended up suffering emotional, physical, and even sexual abuse at the hand of a step-parent. In your life in general, think about how many things you have rushed into that you ended up regretting later on.
After all of that perhaps you have changed your mind and are now thinking that I must be anti dating. Not so. There are some good reasons to date.
I cannot think of any other way to get to know someone than by spending some time with them. Of course that means spending the time with them wisely, in conversation and in situations where you can hopefully see who they really are. Overly romantic situations will not accomplish this (more on that in the “How Should I Date” post).
In addition to getting to know a particular person, spending quality time with different people of the opposite sex will help you learn about the opposite sex in general. It will also help you learn a lot about yourself, your preferences, how you feel around different types of people, and what is really important to you in another person.
Another good reason to go out on dates is because it can be just plain old fun. Anything fun to do can be even more fun with the right kind of person accompanying you.
And of course as a Christian, if it is done with right motives and in the right way, it can be an opportunity to be a blessing to someone else.
So there you have it, some very good and very bad reasons - to date - or not to date.
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